Vesper
Rolex
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In this completely fictional account, the Chief Marketing Officer of world-famous luxury watch manufacture R*lex is meeting with his two vice-presidents on the latest designs that they will be launching at Baselworld 2013…
Chief Marketing Officer: On a une probleme!! (We have a problem!!)
VP1: Oui.
CMO: The Baselworld fair is four months away, but we only have 3 ‘new’ models! This won’t do!
VP2: Non!
CMO: Omega is intending to launch a ton of new watches, and even Patek Philippe has more new models than we do!
VP1: What?! P… Patek? I thought they only made one watch in 40 years!
CMO: For this year, we have a ‘new’ Daytona model, which is basically the existing Daytona in platinum with a bezel made from our advanced Cerachrom ceramic…
VP2: Er, sounds new to me!
CMO: Then, because those boffins out there are too poor to afford our already-competitively priced Yacht-Master II in gold, we decided to launch an ‘all-new’ version in stainless-steel this year.
VP1: That’s absolutely new. Absolutely.
CMO: For the ladies, and also for men who like that sort of thing, we have a bunch of Day-Dates in new colours, green, blue, brown, yellow, red…
VP2: That’s five new colours… Five!
CMO: Assez. (Enough) We must have something else. Something stunning! Something… substantial.
VP1: I’ve got it!
CMO: What?
VP1: We already have the Sea-Dweller and the Sky-Dweller. How about… the ‘Land-Dweller’.
VP2: Bingo! Tres Magnifique! We can give it a GMT function because the modern land-based dweller might move from one time-zone to another…
VP1: Not to forget, 1000m water resistance just in case he falls into the sea… (hi-fives VP2)
CMO: (enraged) You…. You… MORONS!!
(VPs fall silent)
CMO: There will be no more ‘dwellers’! At least not until Baselworld 2014. Anyway, I’ve already had my trump-card, the R*lex ‘Office-Dweller’ turned down by the CEO.
VP2: (inspired look) Wait… I’ve got it! Really, I’ve got it this time!
CMO: Ok, what?
VP2: The Rolex GMT Master…3!!!
(VP1 stares at him)
CMO: NO! I’ve got it!
VPs: Yes?
CMO: The Rolex GMT Master…
(VPs hold breath)
CMO: …Two!
VP1: Er… Sir, we already have a GMT Master II. Remember the ceramic one we re-launched in 2007?
CMO: That’s black, with a green GMT hand. I’m thinking….
(VPs hold breath)
CMO: …a GMT Master II in a two-tone bezel, with a coloured GMT hand. Just like our GMT Masters of old. Blue-red, red-black, brown-gold. But they always go nuts over the coloured GMT hand! Heck, the bloggers will spend hours and paragraphs writing about the colour of the GMT hand alone…
VP1: But sir, our best engineers say the Cerachrom bezel can only be in one colour.
CMO: That’s what we told them to say to make it look more difficult! It will be our unique selling point! We will turn it into two colours! A feat of colouring… I mean engineering! That only R*lex with our 100 year history is capable of! Yet another crown for our achievement! (Hums R*lex theme)
VP1: What features should we give it?
CMO: I was thinking – besides the Cerachrom bezel and the GMT of course – a quick set hour hand, date function and our deployant clasp.
VP2: In other words, exactly the same as our existing GMT Master II?
CMO: We may get a crown for every achievement, but I prefer our other motto: don’t fix it if it ain’t broke.
VP2: But err…. is that err… substantial?
CMO: (To VP2) You’re fired.
VP2: No wait wait! It IS substantial! Not only that, it’s monumental!
CMO: Too late. Go pack up your desk.
(VP2 walks out dejectedly)
CMO: Back to business. What colours shall we use for the bezel? More importantly, what will we call it?
VP1: Well sir, our watches don’t usually have names… we usually just add a bunch of numbers in front of the existing reference numbers. But our fans give them nicknames like ‘Coke’, ‘Pepsi’, ‘Hulk’, ‘Smurf’…. Etc.
CMO: ‘Smurf’? No no no. It has to be something or someone serious, important, to suit such a substantial watch. How about… how about…. hmmm…
(VP2 enters, with his bags packed)
VP2: I’ve come to say Au Revoir.
CMO: Yes yes, just go.
VP2: I guess I’m the man that R*lex deserves, but not the one it needs right now. But I can take it. I know I’m not a hero. I’m really a silent guardian, a watchful protector… I’ll find a job in the dark night, as a security guard…
CMO: Wait! (Inspired look) I’ve got it this time! (To VP2) You can keep your job.
VP1 and VP2: Hooray!!! (Both start to hum R*lex theme music)
Exeunt
In this completely fictional account, the Chief Marketing Officer of world-famous luxury watch manufacture R*lex is meeting with his two vice-presidents on the latest designs that they will be launching at Baselworld 2013…
Chief Marketing Officer: On a une probleme!! (We have a problem!!)
VP1: Oui.
CMO: The Baselworld fair is four months away, but we only have 3 ‘new’ models! This won’t do!
VP2: Non!
CMO: Omega is intending to launch a ton of new watches, and even Patek Philippe has more new models than we do!
VP1: What?! P… Patek? I thought they only made one watch in 40 years!
CMO: For this year, we have a ‘new’ Daytona model, which is basically the existing Daytona in platinum with a bezel made from our advanced Cerachrom ceramic…
VP2: Er, sounds new to me!
CMO: Then, because those boffins out there are too poor to afford our already-competitively priced Yacht-Master II in gold, we decided to launch an ‘all-new’ version in stainless-steel this year.
VP1: That’s absolutely new. Absolutely.
CMO: For the ladies, and also for men who like that sort of thing, we have a bunch of Day-Dates in new colours, green, blue, brown, yellow, red…
VP2: That’s five new colours… Five!
CMO: Assez. (Enough) We must have something else. Something stunning! Something… substantial.
VP1: I’ve got it!
CMO: What?
VP1: We already have the Sea-Dweller and the Sky-Dweller. How about… the ‘Land-Dweller’.
VP2: Bingo! Tres Magnifique! We can give it a GMT function because the modern land-based dweller might move from one time-zone to another…
VP1: Not to forget, 1000m water resistance just in case he falls into the sea… (hi-fives VP2)
CMO: (enraged) You…. You… MORONS!!
(VPs fall silent)
CMO: There will be no more ‘dwellers’! At least not until Baselworld 2014. Anyway, I’ve already had my trump-card, the R*lex ‘Office-Dweller’ turned down by the CEO.
VP2: (inspired look) Wait… I’ve got it! Really, I’ve got it this time!
CMO: Ok, what?
VP2: The Rolex GMT Master…3!!!
(VP1 stares at him)
CMO: NO! I’ve got it!
VPs: Yes?
CMO: The Rolex GMT Master…
(VPs hold breath)
CMO: …Two!
VP1: Er… Sir, we already have a GMT Master II. Remember the ceramic one we re-launched in 2007?
CMO: That’s black, with a green GMT hand. I’m thinking….
(VPs hold breath)
CMO: …a GMT Master II in a two-tone bezel, with a coloured GMT hand. Just like our GMT Masters of old. Blue-red, red-black, brown-gold. But they always go nuts over the coloured GMT hand! Heck, the bloggers will spend hours and paragraphs writing about the colour of the GMT hand alone…
VP1: But sir, our best engineers say the Cerachrom bezel can only be in one colour.
CMO: That’s what we told them to say to make it look more difficult! It will be our unique selling point! We will turn it into two colours! A feat of colouring… I mean engineering! That only R*lex with our 100 year history is capable of! Yet another crown for our achievement! (Hums R*lex theme)
VP1: What features should we give it?
CMO: I was thinking – besides the Cerachrom bezel and the GMT of course – a quick set hour hand, date function and our deployant clasp.
VP2: In other words, exactly the same as our existing GMT Master II?
CMO: We may get a crown for every achievement, but I prefer our other motto: don’t fix it if it ain’t broke.
VP2: But err…. is that err… substantial?
CMO: (To VP2) You’re fired.
VP2: No wait wait! It IS substantial! Not only that, it’s monumental!
CMO: Too late. Go pack up your desk.
(VP2 walks out dejectedly)
CMO: Back to business. What colours shall we use for the bezel? More importantly, what will we call it?
VP1: Well sir, our watches don’t usually have names… we usually just add a bunch of numbers in front of the existing reference numbers. But our fans give them nicknames like ‘Coke’, ‘Pepsi’, ‘Hulk’, ‘Smurf’…. Etc.
CMO: ‘Smurf’? No no no. It has to be something or someone serious, important, to suit such a substantial watch. How about… how about…. hmmm…
(VP2 enters, with his bags packed)
VP2: I’ve come to say Au Revoir.
CMO: Yes yes, just go.
VP2: I guess I’m the man that R*lex deserves, but not the one it needs right now. But I can take it. I know I’m not a hero. I’m really a silent guardian, a watchful protector… I’ll find a job in the dark night, as a security guard…
CMO: Wait! (Inspired look) I’ve got it this time! (To VP2) You can keep your job.
VP1 and VP2: Hooray!!! (Both start to hum R*lex theme music)
Exeunt